No amount of tears will subdue my pain today.
I was told it would happen, eventually. It is just that I have spent the majority of my life convinced that not only was I perpetually holding at an age of 30, but I would always be able to do just about anything I set my mind to. Sure, the pounds might not be melting off as quickly as I would like. That’s probably because I haven’t been training hard enough, but muscle weighs more than fat, right? I’m just full of muscle.
I’ll always be able to beat my son skiing, cycling, or running, right? Sure, he’ll probably get faster, but I can too…
They are all lies. Screw the Mayans, I know the end is near.
I just bought my first pair of reading glasses. 1.25 enhancement. Dr. effing Dean Adell reading glasses. From Rite Aid.
My life is over.
The wife says it is supposed to happen. In fact, she said it was supposed to happen several years ago. She said I’m lucky that it took this long. Whatever.
I just thought my eyes were sleepy, as I had only been up for a good half hour or so. I was trying to glue a Christmas decoration back together (no, I didn’t break it with my lack of vision) and couldn’t see where to place the tiny reindeer leg back together. Add that to the regular steady hands that would make many think I had a caffeine addiction, and you can ‘see’ what I am talking about.
Again, I just thought my eyes were sleepy.
Apparently, my eyes have been getting plenty of rest lately. I was handed a pair of MY MOTHER’S reading glasses from my wife in what I can only assume was intended as a sick joke, but once I laughingly put them on, many things became horrifyingly clear. I could actually see REALLY well. Until I looked away, at least.
What’s next? Bladder control issues? Am I going to be wearing diapers in the next few weeks? Am I turning into old Uncle Louis from A Christmas Vacation?
“Clark, if you’re not doing anything constructive, go and get my stogies!”
I just renewed my driver’s license recently, and took an eye exam then. All seemed to be fine. At least that’s what they told me. For all I know I could have been talking to a poster on the wall.
She was pretty quiet.
Shutting up now.